Posted by: Brad Nixon | September 4, 2010

Lines Composed in Prison

In Which We Contemplate Freedom of Expression


Where is Robert Service, Now That We Need Him?


Elvis, Just Put Down That Fried Peanut Butter Sandwich and Run Through This Number for Me

A hard-hearted con in the slammer

Whose life was devoid of all glamor,

Quite an amoral jerk,

Hacking in the network

Counterfeited a login to Yammer.


Though his posts were a mass of bad grammar,

They soon caused a prison-wide clamor.

And there went out a yell

Through the crowbar hotel

To get Facebook and Twitter and Yammer.


Well the Warden was hard to enamor.

He objected and sputtered and stammered.

But the Channel Nine News

Started airing the views

Of the hard-hearted, blogging flim-flammer.


Once the newsgirl had hyped up the clamor,

The Warden responded with “Damn her!”

And there went out a wail

Though the whole locked-down jail …

Since the cons can’t get loose

From this grim calaboose …

They demanded access

To the online largesse …

And their lawyers filed briefs

To address all their griefs …

And they threatened long fights

For Amendment-One rights …

So the Warden gave in

To the general din …

Yes, the Warden recanted

And access was granted …

Now the cons all agree

That they’ve gotten more free

Than they’d get with a chisel and hammer.


Yes the cons lie around in pajammas

Chatting online with girlfriends and gran’mas.

And the Warden gets spam

From far-off Kyrgyzstan

And somewhere down in Alabama.

This is just something for the heck of it on a holiday weekend when no one’s spending time on their computers, anyway. Honestly, I am grinding no axe here and this doggerel doesn’t actually refer to any specific newsy topic or issue. There’s a little-known social networking utility called “Yammer,” and I was thinking about it when about half of these lines popped into my head. It’s just for fun, and if you didn’t have any fun, then go have another ear of corn or something.


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